Sunday, June 6, 2010

poem about my father (in nine years)

So... I went through all of the poems about my father, and put them together into one larger poem. Here it is:

poem about my father
(in nine years)

I. at the beginning
i remember: asking for
help, the phone click, and the letter sent.

you say i only
call for money, but you don't
share your love or time. what else is left?

now i don't call for
anything. which is better?
a refund?...would you find time to love?

II. he shut another
door of communication
leaving nowhere for me to enter.

III. loosely stitched fabric
attaching us together
without the seamstress, we unravel.

IV. i have dark magic
my written words have power
to silence and destroy love and time.

V. no one expects an
elephant and sunflower
to talk…expectation in the sky…

an ancient baobab
should not expect wisdom or
guidance from a tree with shorter roots.

VI. i am the only
child you have on this earth.
don’t you ever wonder how i am?

* * * * * * *

Is this poem clear? Would you have selected a different order? Can you feel it? Should they be separate? What would make this poem submission ready?

I'm open for critique on this one.


δΊŽε‘ˆε‡ε said...

As a man sows, so he shall reap...................................................

Ms. M. Hudson said...

Evelyn, more than the form and narrative, I like the concept of presenting each stanza as its own poem and them combining all to form one tremendously powerful verse. I enjoyed waiting for the latest addition and never being disappointed with its composition.

Favorite stanza:
"IV. i have dark magic
my written words have power
to silence and destroy love and time."

You do indeed have the power. Thanks for sharing and inspiring.